ISOLATION
by Stars In Tokyo
Summary: it's snape's last day at hogwarts and he hopes to get one final glimpse of lily, but he ends up seeing a lot more than he bargained for


It had been a while since their friendship had ended. He had tried to correct his wrongs but it was no good; she accepted none of his apologies. So now he was alone, without anyone. Sure, there were the other Slytherins, but he merely followed them because…well, he had nothing else.

Severus Snape was truly alone.

He stared out onto the open grounds of Hogwarts by the lake, and spotted a beech tree with a few bushes nearby. It was a hot day, and his last day at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. The flowers were in full bloom at this time of year, and Snape could hear the humming of a cicada. He had walked toward the tree, checking to make sure no one was watching him, and sat down, with his back against the rough base of the ancient tree. He gazed out to the lake, its water sparkling on the surface; a gentle breeze formed ripples through the grass that moved out like waves.

Snape was not quite sure why he was even here; this place had been the setting of his absolute worst memory. His face suddenly flushed as the memory came back to him: the embarrassment, the anger, and that accursed word that destroyed everything. Snape shook his head, in a futile attempt for the memory of that day to slip out of his brain.

"Why did I come here!?" Snape thought furiously.

Then he remembered and his expression softened: he had hoped to get a glimpse of her.

"How long has it been?" Snape asked himself, "How long has it been again?"

Two years.

"Oh, right…" he pulled his knees in toward his chin, and wrapped his arms around them, "Lily…"

Lily Evans had finished off their friendship two years ago. Well, he had really ended their friendship; he really did not mean to say that, the word flew out of his mouth. Lily tried to help him but all of the pressure and frustration, their jeering laughter, made him reach his boiling point. Snape lashed out at her, the one person that tried to help him.

"I don't need help from filthy little _Mudbloods_ like her!"

The words echoed in his head over and over. It wouldn't leave him alone and he couldn't escape. It was done; his childhood dream had turned into a nightmare.

Snape sighed and rested his head on his knees; he didn't want to think about it anymore. He sulked in his silence, and tuned out the sounds of happy laughter, and splashing that came from the edge of the lake. But the noise was getting louder, Snape jerked his head up to see what the commotion was.

It was Lily, walking toward him! She was carrying her shoes and socks; she was wearing her school uniform, but she looked wet, as if she had just been swimming. He could see water dripping from her thick, red hair and the hem of her skirt. Snape blushed as he gazed at her, but his face paled more so than usual (if that was even possible) an instant later when he registered who she was walking, hand in hand, with. His clothes were wet too, droplets visible on the lenses of his glasses, and he had a broad smile on his face.

James Potter.

Lily was walking _with Potter_! Holding hands _with Potter_! Laughing _with Potter_! Her clothes were soaked- _and she was with Potter_!

James Potter, the person who had tortured Snape for seven years; it had been an all out war between the two. And now James made the final blow: he was now dating the girl that Snape was desperately in love with. James Potter was the victor.

But Snape suddenly felt himself blush again. It was the first time he had admitted it: he was in love with Lily Evans. He smiled faintly for a moment, but the sound of their footsteps growing ever closer brought him back down to earth. They were so engrossed with each other that they had yet to notice him. He still had time to hide! Snape dashed toward the bushes and slid in between two of them, and crouched down as quickly, and quietly, as possible.

Snape desperately strained his ears to eavesdrop on their conversation. They were now sitting beneath the shade of the beech tree that he had just fled from. Lily was gently wringing out her hair.

"Oh, don't worry about it," she said, "It's ok!"

"I kinda dragged you in when I slipped," James replied, with a sheepish grin, "I'm really sorry." Lily laughed, and gazed into his eyes.

"I had a lot of fun today, James," she said, grasping his hands in hers, "You've changed so much in the past year…I like it." He blushed.

All the while Snape watched from a safe distance, his whole body seething with rage. He bit down on his knuckle so as to not to shout out and give away his hiding place. He did not want to be the laughingstock of Hogwarts again, let alone on his final day; he would not let it happen.

James suddenly reached out and pushed a few wet strands of Lily's hair away from her eyes. The motion of his hand was gentle and Lily grasped it and held it to her cheek. They were both smiling, and Snape could have sworn that James inched a bit closer to her; he could see that James's legs were gently grazing hers. They were both gazing deeply into each other's eyes, and their faces were closing in.

"NO!" Snape shrieked in his mind, as his teeth dug deeply into his flesh, blood trickling out from the wound, "Lily, don't! Please, please, _please_ don't do it! DON'T!"

He squeezed his eyes shut tight and clenched his fists harder; the nails on his free hand sunk into his palm. She could not, he would not allow it! Snape opened his eyes and saw it, the whole thing.

Slipping his arms around her waist, wrapping her arms around his neck, their lips coming together in a passionate kiss.

It seemed as though the lawn, trees, lake, bushes, and everything else dissolved around him. All Snape could see was James and Lily, locked in an intense embrace. He just sat in absolute shock; he couldn't cry or scream. The sight of them froze his voice in his throat.

It seemed to last for an eternity.

Finally, James and Lily disengaged from each other and stood; they clung to one another for a few more moments before walking back toward the school. They were once again holding hands and standing rather close to each other.

Snape was still crouching down in the bush, his mouth hanging open. He had meant to yell, to fight James, to do something! But he had just sat there, utterly dumbfounded. His worst enemy was just snogging it up with the girl of Snape's dreams, the girl that he had been in love with for well over seven years, and what did he do about it?

_Nothing_.

He hid. In a bush. Severus Snape hid a bush. And he could not believe it.

Snape jumped up in a violent rage, the entire bush rattling with him. He charged toward the Forbidden Forest without a second thought. He ran as fast as his skinny legs would carry him, his pounding footsteps and heavy breathing sounded throughout the trees. He needed to get away, get away from Hogwarts, from James, from…

_He couldn't escape her_.

Snape stopped running, fell to his knees, greasy black hair hanging in front of his face, and released the vehemence of his fury in a single ear piercing scream. Birds took flight in fear of the frightening noise. Snape crumpled to the ground, pounding his fists fiercely onto the forest floor. He was panting heavily and sweat was dripping from his brow.

"_FUCK!!_" Snape shrieked, using all of the power in his entire being, "I HATE YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU!"

He did not know exactly who he was screaming at, but it was his only means of releasing his bottled up feelings. He dug his nails into the soft earth, tearing at it. His hands were stained with blood from when he viewed James and Lily's rendezvous; it must have dried from all of the running. As he stared down blankly at the open wound on his hand, and the crimson blood caked on it, another emotion began to take over.

Suddenly, he let out another scream. But this was a scream of pure anguish; Snape's body began to convulse as he sobbed. Tears flowed freely down his cheeks, only interrupted by the occasional cry of agony that he could no longer control. He pushed the palms of his hands over his eyes to block the flood of tears, but it was no use.

Snape allowed his entire body to collapse; he had fallen face first onto the ground, his body splayed across the grass. He inhaled the unmistakable scent of the fresh earth. His body still shook as he gasped through his sobs.

After what seemed like a lifetime, Severus sat upright and dried his eyes on his sleeve. He breathed in deeply; his body was craving fresh air. His sense of time and space slowly began to reawaken. His black eyes darted around as he took in the scenery.

Green. So fucking green.

Snape held his head in his hands and wondered why, out of all the life around him, he was dead


End file.
